After I determined to maneuver France, it wasn’t as a result of I used to be chasing a “higher” life. That ended up being the case, however my life wasn’t dangerous within the U.S…. not by a protracted shot. I had an awesome NYC condo off Wall Road, a steady job, buddies, household close by, a social life, and a snug routine. After I made the transfer to France, it wasn’t as a result of I used to be operating away from the U.S. I first moved overseas for work in 2009 after which after I got here again a second time, it was for love (however our authentic plan wasn’t to remain right here!!). Over time, the query has come up repeatedly — from buddies, household, strangers on the web: Is life actually higher overseas in France? Let’s unpack that.
The brief reply is: Generally. In some methods. For some folks.
However that’s not the type of reply that makes for a juicy Instagram caption or a viral YouTube title, is it? So as a substitute, I wish to offer you an extended reply — the trustworthy, human one — or at the very least attempt to, based mostly on my actual expertise as an American residing in France since 2012. Not a fantasy model. Not one making an attempt to get you to purchase something. Not a complaints listing.
Simply fact, with a little bit of coronary heart, as a result of if I can’t say it with coronary heart, what the heck am I even doing right here? I absolutely acknowledge the reply isn’t the identical for everybody and it’s positively not a one-size-fits-all reply that’ll essentially final your total life. All of us change and develop and wish various things out of life relying on the place we’re in the mean time and the place our hopes and goals could take us sooner or later.
So is France best for you? Perhaps it’s… for now or will probably be sooner or later. Or possibly it’s not. All of us need to stroll our personal path. For those who love one thing and I don’t, that’s OK and vice versa. No judgment.
I’ll additionally say upfront I don’t suppose phrases can adequately reply this query, at the very least not my phrases, as a result of the reply to, “Is life higher in France?” is one thing I really feel, greater than something. Is anybody else like that? You’ll be able to suppose one thing and put it into phrases however what has at all times been strongest for me is my capacity to really feel (good and dangerous issues, eek). It’s not one thing I can adequately specific through the written phrase however right here we’re, so let me strive.
Additionally, it’s an enormous matter and one I contact on usually. I’ve written about if life in France is pretty much as good because it seems to be in addition to the trustworthy, unromantic causes I belong in France, and when France seems like house (and when it doesn’t), so examine them out too.
Right here we go…
First: What actual is healthier about life in France?
Let me begin with the positives as a result of, sure, there are positively issues that really feel higher to me about life in France. You hear my discuss them time and again as a result of that’s how a lot they matter. After all, that is simply my expertise, however I’m positive lots of you’ll be able to relate.
1. The work-life stability is actual
Right here in France, folks genuinely worth life outdoors of labor. People do too however we barely have time to consider it and our trip time is over in a flash. In France, holidays are lengthy, the workweek is usually shorter, and there’s a shared cultural understanding that relaxation is productive. Workers all get 5 weeks of paid trip that they’re anticipated to make use of. It’s their proper and never a perk of working for a beneficiant employer.
Coming from the U.S., the place hustle tradition is usually glorified, this was a breath of contemporary air. It wasn’t simply one thing folks talked about, however one thing they really DID. Thoughts. Blown. The work swap flips off. Folks unplug. Sundays are for relaxation. Shops shut earlier. Trip is regular they usually don’t need to be fancy.
It’s not that People don’t worth life outdoors of labor as a result of we definitely do. It’s that methods are in place within the U.S. that make it laborious for everybody to do this (no work contracts, medical health insurance tied to your job, and so forth.). Not all workers within the U.S. are entitled to trip (and positively not 5+ weeks), mat/paternity go away, have healthcare protection, and so forth.
2. On a regular basis magnificence issues
Even within the smallest cities, you’ll discover charming structure, well-preserved historical past, and a sure consideration to aesthetic element. Care is taken with easy issues like sprinkling flour on a baguette and even the twist of a pastry bag. Magnificence isn’t simply reserved for the wealthy or well-known… it’s a part of every day life. Folks take time to benefit from the easy, little issues in life. And that’s as a result of they HAVE the time (see #1).
3. Common healthcare = much less stress
Your medical health insurance is NOT related to your employer in France. Figuring out I gained’t go bankrupt if I want surgical procedure is an unbelievable psychological shift. I hope I gained’t want surgical procedure, however nonetheless, you get the purpose. Healthcare right here isn’t excellent, nevertheless it’s accessible and inexpensive. That peace of thoughts modified the best way I take into consideration my well-being. The French view healthcare as a human proper — not a privilege — and so do I.
Be careful earlier than advocating for your self on the physician in France >>
4. Slower tempo, deeper connection
There’s much less strain to at all times be “on.” You’ll be able to simply be. Meals are slower. Conversations are longer. Folks are inclined to hear extra. It’s helped me decelerate and be extra current. The main target isn’t on doing extra and cramming as a lot as you’ll be able to into your day. Right here’s what the French taught me about having fun with life.
However right here’s the place it will get nuanced…
It will be simple to cease there, tie a bow on it, and say, “See? France is healthier!” However life’s not that easy and I’m not going to sit down right here blowing smoke up France’s cul simply to color some unrealistic image. I haaaattttee that content material. I feel I’d be doing you a disservice if we oversimplified the thought of “higher” and I’d be mendacity to myself too.
So let’s discuss that.
1. There’s no one-size-fits-all excellent place
We’re all wired otherwise. What feels liberating to me may really feel stifling to you. What I discover charming, another person may discover inconvenient. Our values, backgrounds, targets, and life all form what sort of life we thrive in and that signifies that my higher life won’t be your higher life.
I feel I’m fairly adaptable and that so long as I’ve a roof over my head someplace secure, a couple of stable relationships in my life, cash within the financial institution, and a goal, I can determine it out wherever. Life is lots simpler once you really feel like all the things is nice.
However somebody going by way of a extremely powerful time gained’t be completely happy even in essentially the most idyllic paradise. We deliver a lot to how we understand our environment. And that’s not anybody’s fault, simply the truth. Life may be laborious even in paradise.
Sort of in the identical vein, I’ve met individuals who put France up on this pedestal and are so completely happy to go away wherever they’re as a result of they suppose France is a utopia. I discover it unhappy they’ll’t discover something good to say about the place they’re presently residing regardless of there being issues to be pleased about (and despise) in all places. Somebody smart as soon as advised me that we see what we wish to see and we’ll discover what we’re in search of, each good and dangerous. Take into consideration that.
Anyway, some folks crave solar and palm bushes. Others need seasons and snowy mountains (me me me!). Some want group. Others need solitude. Some are energized by the tempo of NYC. Others really feel alive in a quiet Provençal village. None of those choices are proper and incorrect. You deliver lots to the equation.
2. Achievement issues greater than the place you reside
This one is related to what I mentioned above. You’ll be able to have beautiful views, scrumptious meals, and charming neighbors and nonetheless really feel misplaced or lonely inside. For those who’re secure, fulfilled, curious, and content material the place you’re — whether or not that’s Paris, Pittsburgh, or Perth — that’s what actually issues. The exterior circumstances can rely for lots however they aren’t all the things.
There’s additionally this aspect of issues. For somebody who moved overseas for his or her partner’s job, possibly had a powerful private {and professional} community again house and LOVED the place they had been residing, a transfer overseas may really feel like punishment. I do know individuals who couldn’t benefit from the magnificence round them and the constructive elements of the place they had been residing as a result of they had been so hung up on what they’d left behind. It may be actually laborious. You must discover that internal success. It has to return from you, not the outside.
I additionally suppose we’ve got to watch out of not idealizing the trail we didn’t take and placing a life overseas up on this pedestal the place we are saying to ourselves, “I’ll be completely happy after I transfer overseas” or “All the things is horrible right here. I want to maneuver overseas after which issues will probably be nice.” As a result of by doing that, first off you haven’t any concept how life will probably be overseas till you’re overseas and two, you’re lacking out on a lot life occurring within the current and wasting your time. Life is simply too brief.
What I didn’t know I lacking till I moved to France >>
3. Higher is deeply subjective
That is my total level. We regularly chase exterior markers of happiness, however inner peace issues extra. For me, France aligns with how I prefer to reside: a bit of slower, extra deliberately, with connection on the core. At the very least that’s how I really feel now and that’s what’s vital. However possibly that can change. I do not know. Perhaps I might have achieved that again within the U.S. if I moved out of NYC and adjusted jobs. I don’t know.
I nonetheless miss issues from again house. I nonetheless query issues. On actually dangerous days, I query shifting right here. And different days? I yearn for the familiarity of the place I grew up. So… is France higher? In some methods. However in others? It’s simply totally different.
4. Life is brief and also you’re not caught
Right here’s the half I actually wish to emphasize: You’re allowed to vary. You’re allowed to strive. And also you’re allowed to go away.
I go away lots really. Earlier than my mother died, I don’t suppose Tom and I ever left France for greater than 10 days in a row. I used to be locked in AF. We had our canine Dagny and we by no means needed to be away from her for too lengthy. Then, after feeling that grief from dropping my mother, our candy Dagny, and others, my priorities modified and I spend extra time within the U.S. now than I feel I did my total first decade in France mixed.
My level right here is that IT IS YOUR LIFE. And it’s soooo brief. I’ve mentioned that a couple of instances right here as a result of it’s true. Make it give you the results you want, whether or not you reside overseas or not.
The place you reside isn’t a life sentence. It’s a chapter. For those who’re feeling the pull to maneuver overseas, it doesn’t need to be ceaselessly. However when you by no means strive, the remorse could hang-out you later. That goes for something in life.
I’ve realized that we’ve got extra company than we expect. We are able to create new variations of our lives. And that, in itself, is liberating.
So… Is life actually higher overseas?
It may be. It has been for me. I’ve a home, a husband, a goal, buddies, and a wholesome physique and thoughts, none of which I take as a right. Ever. That’s one thing I’m actually critical about. Is my life higher in France? Sure, however I’ve made it that manner.
That is the case as a result of I approached it with curiosity, openness, and a willingness to develop, and that hasn’t at all times been simple. I’m a piece in progress and have a protracted approach to go. I didn’t count on France to repair something. I got here to reside, not escape. My eyes are large open.
Dwelling overseas gained’t magically make your life higher, however it would make it totally different and I’m right here for it. It should problem you, stretch you, humble you, and possibly, when you’re fortunate, shock you in all the most effective methods.
You’re taking the dangerous with the nice and hope the nice outweighs that dangerous, or at the very least that’s what you set most of your vitality into, specializing in that good.
So when you’re dreaming of life overseas, ask your self not, *“Will this be higher?” however as a substitute, “Does this really feel proper for the model of me I wish to develop into?”
And if the reply is sure? Do it. Strive it. Go. You’ll be able to at all times come house. Or… you may discover a new one like me.
Perhaps the higher query isn’t, “Is life in France higher?” however as a substitute “Am I higher?” Wow, that provides me lots to consider.
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Lastly, I don’t know what’s gotten into me the previous week or so. I hadn’t printed a weblog publish for about 5 months after which growth, 4 in two weeks. I’m on a roll.
Do me a favor please, when you take pleasure in one of these content material, might you let me know within the feedback? With short-form video taking on (which I don’t do), it seems like I’m writing right into a void. Ten folks will e-mail me if there’s a typo, however I by no means know if my posts really land with anybody on the market! I attempt to write considerate content material that I’d wish to learn however possibly rubbish content material only for clicks is the best way ahead. Joking. Half joking. Hahaha, let me know, ok? Merci. 😉
xx
