Once we consider transferring overseas to France, many people affiliate it with residing a dreamy life stuffed with journey, effortlessly choosing up the French language, making tons of French pals, and escaping every thing we hated about wherever we lived earlier than. It looks as if life in France is considered a golden ticket of kinds and is a treatment for every thing that ails us again residence. However the actuality of residing overseas isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s not for everybody. And I name BS on anybody who says in any other case.
Let me begin off by saying I’ve zero regrets about transferring to France. I believe it’s considered one of my greatest life selections.
Have there been difficult occasions? For certain. Do I miss issues from residence? Hell sure. Have I doubted myself? Completely. Do I take into consideration what my life might have been again in NYC? Generally. Have I had dangerous days? Tons.
However when I’ve a peaceful, clear head and take into consideration the previous decade-ish, have I significantly ever regretted the transfer? Not for second.
If I spotted that life in France wasn’t for me, I’d have moved a very long time in the past. The professionals outweigh the cons and till that adjustments, the place to search out me.
Now that apart, the rationale I’m writing it is because it’s at all times been necessary to me to indicate that residing overseas isn’t at all times excellent. That’s as a result of life isn’t excellent.
When you’re on this planet lengthy sufficient, you’re going to expertise challenges and laborious occasions. Residing overseas doesn’t make you resistant to the tougher issues we undergo as human beings. And fairly frankly, I’m so OVER content material that paints life overseas as a relentless spotlight reel.
I wish to be sure you’re researching your transfer to France along with your eyes broad open. It’s straightforward to figuratively plug your ears along with your fingers and say “la la la la” within the face of anybody who needs to have a extra nuanced dialog of life overseas and the challenges it’s possible you’ll face. However I urge you to open your ears and thoughts since you’ll solely be higher ready after studying posts like this.
One factor to recollect is that what we see on social media about residing overseas skews constructive as a result of individuals who hate residing overseas or are actually struggling don’t begin YT channels and Tiktok accounts to speak about their life. Folks choose, criticize, and may make us really feel worse once we’re already decrease than low.
In order that’s why the content material we see is from individuals who genuinely benefit from the residing overseas expertise. That’s what we hear the loudest, which makes it seem to be residing overseas is the reply to a cheerful life, and possibly extra importantly, if we’re not 100% completely satisfied the entire time in France, that we’ve one way or the other failed at this entire residing overseas factor. Each are damaging mindsets.
There’s a bias towards portray life overseas with a constructive brush, and I present all of the positives time and time once more, nevertheless it ought to by no means be on the expense of glossing over the fact.
I wouldn’t be doing the residing overseas expertise any justice if all I did was sing France’s praises with out leaving room for anything. I don’t work for tourism businesses or have any pores and skin within the recreation in the case of whether or not you progress to France or not. I give you the results you want, the reader, in a way and I simply need you to be ready.
The truth is that life may be laborious generally. Residing overseas provides a further layer of challenges. Nobody is completely satisfied the entire time with every thing. And should you’re considering of residing overseas in France long run, I believe it’s SO necessary to hunt out content material that gives a nuanced view… and to go a step additional, content material from individuals who don’t get pleasure from residing overseas and have possibly moved on from France and even moved again to their residence nation.
Residing overseas in France is not for everybody and that’s OK. There is no such thing as a singular “proper” strategy to stay. Individuals who keep near residence aren’t any higher or worse off than these of us who find yourself far, far-off. All of us face challenges and all of us battle. No judgment. We’re all doing one of the best we are able to.
If you’re contemplating a transfer overseas, I do know it’s straightforward to wish to “keep constructive” and solely have a look at romanticized content material that validates your determination to maneuver overseas. However I’d argue it’s much more necessary to concentrate on the doable challenges you’ll face. You’ll both notice you is probably not suitable with life overseas otherwise you’ll be higher ready to cope with the challenges that come up as a result of they gained’t catch you unexpectedly.
I additionally wish to be clear about one thing. This put up isn’t meant to discourage you from pursuing a life overseas in France or elsewhere, so should you really feel defensive studying this, take a step again. I’m not attempting to crush any desires. I’m attempting to get you to open your eyes broad sufficient to make an knowledgeable determination.
Why? As a result of I get emails and DMs — to not point out all of the YT feedback I see — from individuals who have their head within the clouds about what it takes to maneuver overseas to France. I’m not simply speaking about logistical stuff like visas and the nuts and bolts of transferring your belongings, however people who find themselves prepared to maneuver overseas with out contemplating the emotional elements of doing so and have executed little or no analysis. So many individuals imagine these misconceptions and aren’t aware of what France is admittedly like.
I hope you perceive the place I’m coming from with this put up. So with that….
Listed below are some not-so-great elements of transferring overseas:
-Folks is not going to at all times perceive your motivations to maneuver overseas. Some folks shall be completely satisfied for you however others will really feel unhappy, jealous, harm, left behind, and even indignant and haven’t any qualms about telling you as a lot. All I can say is that what’s best for you and you must stay your life. It’s too brief to let others maintain you again.
-You’ll lose folks you by no means thought you’d lose. Relationships change with time and distance and family members die. No, this one isn’t particular to residing overseas however it’s one thing these of us residing overseas do appear to cope with an entire heck of rather a lot. Being so far-off from everybody we used to know and see usually can add pressure to a relationship and even dissolve it fully. You be taught instantly who your actual family and friends are. In fact this goes each methods and we have to make an effort to communicate with our family members simply as a lot as they make an effort for us.
-Some folks don’t do nicely with change. When you’re tremendous set in your methods and your routine and have a tight-knit skilled/private community again residence, adjusting to life overseas may be brutal. The identical goes for Sort A personalities who’re used to being in management. All that goes out the window as soon as you progress and really feel like a 5-year-old in an grownup physique. The primary few years may be powerful since you’ll want to return to phrases with feeling like a fish out of water.
–You’ll have dangerous days, really feel misplaced and dumb for not figuring out the right way to do fundamental duties. You’ll really feel in limbo. You’ll get pissed off with the language. Loneliness could creep in. Your feelings are on a rollercoaster within the early days and that is all regular, however be ready for it.
-You’ll miss issues from again residence…. your family members, the milestones and events you aren’t there for, the vacations, and all kinds of little issues you didn’t assume mattered a lot. Folks transfer ahead with out you and you’ll do the identical with out them. Learn that once more.
Now if after listening to all of that, you’re considering, “Nah, not me. I’ll be tremendous. I’m not going to have any points,” and also you’re heading over to Air France to purchase your one-way ticket now, you’re being naïve.
Your energy isn’t considering that you just gained’t have any dangerous days overseas. It’s accepting that issues WILL be laborious sooner or later and studying the right way to be resilient sufficient to beat these obstacles.
Take a sec to placed on the brakes and actually give it some thought. When you stay overseas lengthy sufficient, you’ll face challenges, so take time to contemplate that. That’s simply life. Are you chop out to cope with them in tradition and language that’s not your personal?
Once more, that’s to not say DON’T MOVE!. That’s not what I’m saying. However I’m saying to consider your motivations to maneuver and put together your self forward of time. Don’t underestimate the burden that these challenges could have on you, particularly once you’re not within the consolation of your personal nation, practices, language, and tradition.
One thing I prefer to remind myself of is that two issues may be true on the identical time. You may love your life overseas, understand it was the only option for you, and nonetheless battle generally. It doesn’t imply you’ve executed one thing unsuitable.
Dropping my mother was probably the most troublesome human experiences I’ve ever gone by means of. Watching somebody you like waste away from most cancers is difficult regardless, nevertheless it was even worse as a result of I used to be so far-off. Additionally, due to Covid, I couldn’t depart France (lengthy story brief, I made it earlier than she died and shall be eternally grateful that I had that point with my mother earlier than she handed away).
Not one of the laborious “life issues” are France’s fault, let me be clear about that. However once you’re tackling them by means of the lens of a unique tradition and language and life state of affairs, they will really feel insurmountable.
Right here’s what hasn’t made the spotlight reel:
-Dropping a number of family members in a brief time frame and being petrified of shedding much more folks.
-Feeling anxiousness for the primary time in my life.
-Dropping a little bit of innocence and realizing that life may be reallllllly powerful and questioning in case your greatest years are behind you.
-Being consumed by a lot grief that you just’re scared you gained’t ever go “again to regular”
-Office drama
-Questioning if members of the family’ well being circumstances will ever enhance
-Being on the receiving finish of verbal abuse from medical doctors with large egos
-Being scammed on-line out of 300 euros
-Being aggressively pulled right into a again room and confronted by a retailer supervisor who didn’t like me recording video clips in his retailer (and thought I used to be a spy for a competitor. Paranoid a lot, my man?).
-Dropping pals
-Being utilized by individuals who make the most of your form & beneficiant nature
-Feeling remoted. It doesn’t make you stronger. It makes you lonely.
-Household drama that leads to your internal circle getting smaller.
…and that’s what involves thoughts in the mean time.
For the document, none of this occurred and I’m OK. Something I share right here is shared after I’ve time to course of it and work by means of my emotions. I’m not searching for pity or sympathy… simply attempting to be clear.
Nothing I discussed above has destroyed me, dimmed my spirit completely, or turn into my norm. I don’t need this to sound too doom and gloom as a result of that’s not who I’m, however it’s actual life and it wouldn’t really feel genuine to me to gloss over a number of the tougher occasions.
I’m obsessed with writing posts like this one (and this and this) as a result of I used to be NOT as ready as I ought to have been earlier than transferring to France. I imply, actually, how can anybody totally put together for one of many greatest life adjustments a human can presumably make?
Looking back, I’ve to provide myself grace as a naïve 20-something. I’m glad she didn’t know then concerning the laborious occasions forward, however nonetheless. I might have taken off my rose-colored glasses somewhat bit extra.
I need you to do higher and actually look at your determination to maneuver overseas and perceive what it could possibly appear like. Not as a result of it’s essentially the unsuitable selection however as a result of it’s a HUGE enterprise. I hope my weblog as an entire has given you meals for thought.
In all honesty, if I knew then what I do know now, I’d nonetheless have moved overseas. However I’d have executed extra analysis and work on myself earlier than so I’d have been a extra assured, ready model of myself who felt extra confident and succesful proper out of the gate.
I hope you hear what I’m saying and that you just do your analysis. Devour the content material you’ve averted that talks concerning the laborious stuff and the dangerous days. Hearken to the one that appears to complain rather a lot and who appears to be struggling. It gained’t speak you out of a transfer if it’s meant to be. It’ll simply make you a extra well-rounded and resilient foreigner overseas.
You’ll have fewer tradition shock moments, dangerous days, WTF moments… (wait, no you’ll nonetheless have these), panic assaults, and tearful moments of non permanent remorse. Simply me? Haha. I’ve to snort. 😉
Regardless of all of that, transferring overseas was the proper selection for me and I’m completely satisfied overseas in France. I’ve had wonderful experiences that I wouldn’t commerce for the world and I’ve made it by means of the laborious occasions.
As you compromise into life overseas, you’ll begin to rack up a bunch of little moments that make you smile. You’ll make new pals and have new experiences and uncover new methods of seeing the world. It turns into your house. A shift occurs little by little and also you’ll be a greater individual for it.
Perhaps most significantly of all, I’ve a help system of people that love me and who I like, meals and shelter, a goal, a strategy to earn a residing, and an excellent head on my shoulders. All of that counts for lots. And I do know you’ll do exactly tremendous too, wherever you find yourself. Sending you like!
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