Folks assume that transferring to France is about romance, social media-worthy moments, and residing such as you’re all the time on trip. And positive, these issues exist, however none of them are the actual causes I belong right here. Let me begin off by saying that France isn’t my “dream nation.” Actual life isn’t all the time a dream and dream international locations don’t exist anyway. It’s one thing quieter and extra grounded than that. At this level, it’s most definitely house.
I didn’t transfer to France as a result of I used to be chasing a fantasy or in search of an escape. Actually, I first got here right here for a job. Does life right here really feel like a romantic fantasy? It positive can, however that’s not actual life and the actuality is completely different.
If something, France has taught me how unromantic actual life really is… and someway, that’s precisely why it matches.
France didn’t seduce me. It challenged me. And as an alternative of working again house when it acquired arduous, I’ve caught it out. (which is fascinating as a result of it was by no means our plan to remain right here longterm!) It even confirmed me issues I didn’t know I used to be lacking.
It sounds bizarre to say this, however France is the place I’ve grown up. Sure, I moved right here in my 20s, not as a child, so I used to be grown-ish already in a number of respects. However mentally and maturity clever, I’ve finished a number of rising up since 2012 as I’ve seen extra, finished extra and simply skilled life’s ups and downs. It was right here the place I realized concerning the depths of grief. Of loss. Of acceptance. Of transferring ahead with the ache we feature.
It’s the place the place my character, my values, and the best way I wish to dwell lastly stopped feeling out of sync. Was it a coincidence that I simply occurred to be residing in France after I felt the shift? Possibly, however I don’t assume so!
Anyway, there are a number of explanation why I really feel I belong in France, so right here goes….
I belong someplace that doesn’t reward burnout
I’ve talked about this one quite a bit through the years on the weblog. I HAAAAATE dashing (and being late). I do know individuals who continuously must have one thing to do and so they thrive in that setting of regularly pushing themselves to their limits. Their every day planner is overflowing with dates and appointments that schedule their life seemingly all the way down to the minute.
I’m naturally somebody who stresses if I’ve to hurry or have an excessive amount of occurring, so France and I get alongside very nicely on this respect.
Actually, it was one of many first issues I seen about France. Sure, I seen the wonder and superb meals too, however a stark distinction to me was the tempo. Certain, perhaps it was annoying at first with shops and enterprise closing for lunch and typically being closed on Sundays and Mondays. However when you concentrate on it, it’s about preserving one’s peace and the truth that capitalism isn’t the end-all-be-all of why we rise up within the morning.
This extra relaxed tempo isn’t in a sluggish or lazy means, however intentional. Meals take time (and also you don’t eat at your work desk whereas multitasking!). FYI, Tom nonetheless comes house for an hour or so each day for lunch. Shops shut so staff can relaxation. Life doesn’t really feel like a productiveness contest the place everybody’s pretending NOT to be exhausted.
In case you’re American too, you come from a tradition the place being busy appears like a badge of honor and relaxation feels suspicious, such as you’re doing one thing improper. And even worse, that you simply’re compelled onto the hamster wheel of burnout simply to maintain your loved ones’s medical insurance, which is connected to your job.
France quietly nopes out of that narrative. FYI, medical insurance in France is NOT linked to your employer, so that you received’t lose protection for those who lose your job. (and medical care is fairly good right here, however undoubtedly not good).
Right here, pausing isn’t one thing you may have justify. Lengthy lunches aren’t a character flaw. Taking time without work isn’t one thing to apologize for or be nervous about. And nobody provides you a excessive 5 while you work your self into the bottom.
In France, 5 weeks of paid time without work is required by legislation for all staff. It’s not a perk of working for an excellent employer. On prime of that, many staff get extra trip time while you think about holidays, RTT, and different advantages.
That alone advised me one thing necessary: I don’t belong in a spot that confuses exhaustion with ambition. France will get it proper. (and a lot of different issues!)
I take meals significantly
I don’t identical to meals. I care about it in a really French means now. The pleasure of going to le marché (okay however not after 8am, let’s be actual, as a result of spending half-hour in line isn’t enjoyable in any respect), of prioritizing seasonal produce, and attempting new recipes and methods of getting ready dishes. Actually, there are a bunch of meals I by no means actually had till I moved to France!
The concept lunch deserves actual plates is one thing I can get behind. I additionally love that bread isn’t an afterthought. Consuming nicely doesn’t must be fancy or costly both, but it surely does deserve consideration. The French respect their meals sufficient to arrange it and eat it with care.
France aligns with my perception that meals is a part of well being, tradition, and pleasure. It’s not one thing to hurry via between emails or seize on the go (okay typically positive, but it surely’s not the norm).
I completely belong in a rustic the place high quality meals is straightforward to seek out and celebrated.
I’m (extra) snug with challenges
France is just not easy.
Its methods, guidelines, language (even for native audio system), social codes, and unstated expectations are layered and typically exhausting. Then add in all of the logistical challenges of transferring right here as a foreigner.
France positive as hell toughened me up. I felt (and nonetheless really feel typically) that transferring right here was like getting thrown into the deep finish of the pool. Fortunately, I understand how to swim, however typically you’re simply drained and must tread water.
This was a slap within the face for somebody who had issues comparatively simple rising up. All I needed to do was present as much as college and go to class, preserve my head down, put within the work, and I’d be OK on the planet. However all of that will get shaken up huge time while you depart the comforts of house and embark on the largest life change ever while you transfer overseas. I don’t remorse any of it, although.
The lesson right here is that I don’t want the whole lot to be simple to really feel prefer it was value it. Actually, we by no means develop if we keep in our consolation zone, so I’d even say it feels MORE value it BECAUSE of the challenges. However gosh, did this lesson take a LONG TIME to study.
Together with that, residing in France means repeatedly being reminded that YOU are usually not the default.
You adapt. You hear extra. You learn the way issues are finished earlier than attempting to alter them. You settle for that not the whole lot revolves round your consolation. Yeah, it feels a bit prickly at first (and yeah if I’m sincere it nonetheless does typically), but it surely’s an excellent factor, as I mentioned earlier than, to be thrown wayyyy exterior of your consolation zone.
Additionally, France doesn’t bend over backward to validate everybody’s preferences, moods, or expectations (undoubtedly not for foreigners both) and weirdly, I believe that’s an excellent factor. Particular lodging aren’t all the time an possibility, you received’t be the exception to the rule, and the shopper is certainly NOT all the time proper. You as the person don’t matter in the identical means you is perhaps used to again house.
I belong in a spot that assumes adults can deal with nuance and getting their feathers ruffled a bit. And damnnnn have my feathers been ruffled. It builds resilience and teaches you to adapt and develop. Simple? No. Price it? Sure.
My job isn’t my id or ALL of me
In France, who you might be isn’t robotically outlined by what you do for work. One thing I seen in France is that for those who meet a health care provider out socially, they’re launched by their first title with out the physician prefix. Because it seems, my in-laws’ neighbor was a health care provider. I simply knew him as Jean.
I really feel like within the U.S., for those who’re a health care provider of any kind, you’re all the time launched as such, as in case your id wouldn’t exist for those who weren’t a health care provider at the beginning. It’s only a completely different means of seeing issues.
Folks ask what you do in France, sure, but it surely doesn’t carry the identical weight. It’s extra about curiosity and fewer about defining you. Your value doesn’t rise and fall together with your productiveness, revenue, or ambition (or lack thereof).
I belong someplace that leaves area for being an individual exterior of output. Your job doesn’t outline your value.
Together with that, there’s consolation in residing someplace that doesn’t require fixed enthusiasm, compelled positivity, or performative friendliness and smiling.
It’s sufficient to only be.
I don’t want fixed leisure
I’m a homebody via and thru, but I’m somebody who is rarely bored. There’s all the time one thing to do or take into consideration or be part of. France doesn’t spoon-feed stimulation and I really like that. Possibly it’s simply me, however I appear to see fewer children glued to their tablets when out to dinner in France.
Anyway, you’ll discover there’s stillness right here. Quiet Sundays. Lengthy meals. Evenings with out plans. And as an alternative of filling each hole, individuals let themselves breathe. And I’ve all the time felt just like the calmest model of myself after I’m not continuously transferring.
I belong in a spot that trusts you to sit down with your self. And I do this quite a bit.
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So what does all this imply? It means I’m extra resilient than I believed.
No clue if we’ll all the time dwell in France, however I believe this implies I’m assured in understanding I’ll be OK wherever. I don’t assume it means I may by no means really feel at house elsewhere, however I assume I’ve acclimated to the French means of doing issues. (perhaps an excessive amount of? :-)). So yeah, I’ve grown up in France in a way. Selecting to dwell right here was probably the most grownup determination I’ve ever made.
What about you?
P.S. In case you’re inquisitive about whether or not or not I believe life in France is pretty much as good because it appears, I’ve a nuanced perspective right here.
P.P.S. I linked to a bunch of my archive posts all through this text as a result of its’ 2026, and I’ve a TON of content material that has much more to say. I’ve been at it since 2012! So I hope you click on round and keep for some time.
