Welcome to Scrumptious or Distressing, the place we price current meals memes, movies, and different decidedly unserious information. Final week we debunked Andrew Tate’s arrest by pizza field in Romania.
In a phrase, this week was about one factor: overcompensating. To begin: Infamous perpetrator of feminine censorship and energetic slut-shamer, M&M’s, launched an “all-female” bundle (together with Inexperienced, slut shame-ee) and known as it feminism. Overcompensating. Perennial headliner of this very column, Ben Affleck, was caught unfaithfully canoodling with Starbucks simply final month; in repentance, he actually labored the drive-through window at a neighborhood Dunkin’ to show, or at the least carry out, his espresso loyalties. Overcompensating.
Whereas we’re on the subject of espresso, it’s solely proper that we pour one out for the newly coffee-less amongst us: New York’s Goldman Sachs workers. Caffeine on the financial institution is free now not, and its staff are rightfully pissed, and likewise tremendous drained. I actually don’t really feel dangerous, although, for that man captured on TikTok smashing a slice of marriage ceremony cake into his new spouse’s face with a lot unjustified pressure. Possibly he’s additionally overcompensating for one thing.
Sure, M&M’s are within the information once more. Sure, it’s as soon as once more as a result of conservatives are freaking out. Chances are you’ll bear in mind when, in an effort to advertise variety and inclusion, M&M’s mother or father firm, Mars, up to date the look and backstory of their notorious M&M’s characters. The inexperienced M&M misplaced her boots in favor of sneakers, which made Tucker Carlson steaming mad. Now, Mars introduced its first ever all-female bundle (brown, purple, and inexperienced) and pretend alpha-male conservatives are as soon as once more livid.
“Man-hating!” they yell. “Woke mob!” they whine. At this level it shouldn’t be stunning that these individuals will take any alternative to rant and rave towards a digital camera with wild-eyed zealotry, nevertheless it shocks me each time. Let me take this chance to be crystal clear: I assist the inexperienced M&M’s potential budding sapphic love! I assist the brown M&M’s alternative of chunky heel! I assist the purple M&M’s girlbossery! I’m giving the brand new all-female M&M’s packaging a scrumptious, candy-coated, 4.8/5 scrumptious. —Sam Stone, employees author
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Are the banking bros going to be okay? Exhausting to say. When Goldman Sachs workers returned to work within the new yr, they had been cruelly blindsided: Greater-ups had yoinked the corporate’s free espresso perk. In response to the New York Publish, those that’d waltzed as much as the sun-drenched Sky Foyer for his or her common morning brew had been confronted with “an indication and a girl yelling at us that it was now not complimentary.” And to suppose, they had been already tweaking at rumors of impending layoffs.
In a fortunate plot twist, a close-by pop-up by Cometeer Espresso, a espresso firm promoting frozen packets of focus, got here to the rescue, providing free pods to the stone-faced staff. Staff had been allegedly relieved to nab the flamboyant joe, describing the Goldman Sachs workplace vibes to Cometeer proprietor Britton O’Daly as “loud, chaotic,” and a spot the place “everybody appears unhappy.” I do know espresso is an evil instrument of capitalism, however nonetheless, I’ve zero time for this sort of performative frugality. How about leaving the espresso alone and perhaps (*gasp*) slashing their $400k salaries? 2.7/5 distressing. —Ali Francis, employees author
In what’s actually a bid to change into the Most Bostonian Particular person of All Time—a title beforehand held by Paul Revere and JFK—Ben Affleck was not too long ago noticed working the drive-through at a Dunkin’ in Medford, Massachusetts. Affleck’s affection for New England’s hometown espresso megachain is hardly a secret, however this new reveal confirmed the cowriter of the depraved Massachusetts-y movie Good Will Searching on the opposite aspect of the counter of a Dunkin’ Donuts in the Boston suburb the place this author went to school. (How you want them apples?!)
